Viva la Résistance!

(And a few suggestions.)

Greetings fellow Freedom Fighters. And thank you, Comrade Melshoy, for that gracious introduction. I will try to be brief, but I beg you all to understand the import that I feel my words bear for us: the Resistance!

As regards the Collaborators...

Yes, yes, boo to them indeed!

But as to them, being as they are in power, both de facto and de jure, our ability to operate undetected and incognito is of the utmost urgency. Indeed, I would say that our ability to operate sub rosa as a guerilla front depends entirely on the facility with which we can operate in society undetected by the Collaborators, who, I am afraid it must be said, seem to always outnumber us by a factor of ten.

But it is true, comrade. It is true.

Accordingly, I propose a motion to consider that we, as a movement, undertake certain additional actions to ensure that the Resistance can remain free to operate without detection or infiltration by the hated Collaborators.

First, as a general matter, it might be helpful if we were to consider acting a little bit more like the Collaborators ourselves… What? I say, here me out!

In this vein, perhaps we could falsely — falsely — betray some of our own. I might suggest Comrade Munch and Comrade Concho. Anita Concho, that is.

Falsely! I said. How? Well, you know, we would rescue them later, I suppose. Yes, certainly before their execution.

Ahem.

Also in this realm of acting more like the Collaborators, I might suggest we put on some S&M orgies. False flag ones, understand. You know, just to really make ourselves as indistinguishable from those bastard Collaborators as possible.

Now, wait! Here me. I am allowed my time per the rules, loyal comrade!

These would be totally staged, the leathery S&M orgies. All the fascist Collaborator paraphernalia would be faked or stolen. Of course, the sex would have to be real, just to make it convincing. Inviting some Collaborators would also add to some sneaky verisimilitude. Well, we would need to! How would they know we were doing it otherwise?! Who? Well, for one, just off the top of my head, I would suggest that venomous Captain Marianne Andre. Yes, her. Also, my parents’ château near the coast could be used for this purpose. Just a possibility.

Silence in the back!

Now, just wait a minute. The purpose of the orgies, one anyway, would be to kill Collaborators, and absolutely not to placate my own peccadilloes. For instance, during such a false-flag orgy, our commandoes, myself included, would have ample opportunity to assassinate a high ranking Collaborator or two while making it look just like a super freaky sex accident. And what’s more, the pernicious-yet-alluringly-repressive nature of their very regime could be used against them; for how could the Collaborators admit one of their own had been at a debauched, drug-fueled bacchanal at my parents’ secluded Sadist château? They couldn’t at all. Of course, again, all the sex would have to be real. For the sake of realism.

Tradecraft, brothers and sisters! Plausibility!

Comrades, we are playing the long game. This is chess, not checkers. We must assume the mantle of selling them wares, and wanting to house, feed, and fuck their troops and officials so we can remain in hiding. Then, once the capital has fallen to the Entente, we can storm the streets and begin killing the disarmed and imprisoned Collaborators by the dozen.

We might, just maybe, even consider never giving up our cover as false Collaborators, lest we be needed again. No? And just what is the harm there? We get our heads shaved? Spat upon in the streets? Horsewhipped? We would probably quite enjoy all that after being well seasoned in the dark arts by all our ersatz S&M orgies with all the best looking Collaborator officers. So no harm at all, I might say anyway.

Next, I think some of us, and I volunteer to be among the first, should seriously consider double agency.

No, not betraying the Resistance. Put down that scythe!

False double agency, of course, when in actuality we would be triple agents. Yes, that’s it, triple agents. Yet we could not tell anyone we would be triple agents. That should be obvious. No, not even our superiors among the Resistance. Why? Because what if one of them really is a double agent? It would only increase our odds of capture and betrayal, that’s what. Also, we could not actually take any actions in service of our triple-agency. At least not until the Collaborators are defeated. No, it would be only in our heads, lest we be discovered. I’m afraid it is necessary. Moles. Spy hunters. All that.

Unhand me! I will not be hustled off, I have my rights!

Also, regarding feeding disinformation to the Collaborators and their informants. To keep under wraps that we know who their agents are, I think we need to start giving them real disinformation. Yes, true information, if you say so. And yes it may cost us in materiel and certainly personnel, but think of the gains in our ability to operate in secrecy!

Finally, as for our operations. I move that they be indefinitely suspended. Except in service of the Collaborators, of course.

No! Not like that. You see, we will be as agents provocateur, carrying out direct action on behalf of the Collaborators to incite resistance to them among our fellow citizens. Certainly some others among the rabble, those without a swanky, paid-off, sex-shack châteaux to lose, can carry out the more life-threatening part of resisting. And we’ll be with them in spirit, won’t we comrades? I know I will be. And then, once the Collaborators’ downfall is certain, we reverse and strike the finishing blow, all while I supervise matters from my parents' deceptively innocent, secret room filled, dungeony, cliffside château.

You doubt my loyalty to the cause?! A traitor am I?! What are you, I ask? Would any true member of the Resistance call for the arrest of one of their own simply for suggesting ways in which we might remain better hidden from the Collaborator vipers? No!

Shame, comrade! Shame!

Unhand me! Viva la Résistance!

It's been a real leisure. [That picture is not me.--ed.]